


33%

by seven league boots (memphis)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (kinda), Accidental Nitrous Oxide inhalation, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Groping, Humor, M/M, Making Out, One Shot, Sharing a Room, locked in a room together, sharing oxygen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 06:45:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17462588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memphis/pseuds/seven%20league%20boots
Summary: Two idiots are trapped in a room and they're running out of air and they're going to make out. Because of reasons.





	33%

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short little writing exercise to get out of a block and I was inspired by [phabulousphantom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/phabulousphantom/pseuds/phabulousphantom) & her prompt of "33%". Thank you!!
> 
> Thank you to [thetolkiengeek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetolkiengeek/pseuds/thetolkiengeek/works) for looking this over and giving me a quick beta! :D

****  
  


"What do you mean they're sealed in there?!" Hunk says.

Allura cocks her head. "Was there a translator malfunction during the power surge, Coran? Can the humans not understand us?"

Coran rubs his chin. "Could be, Princess, perhaps we can use this as an opportunity to plan an elaborate set of pranks and hijinks as a way to influence further team bonding for–"

"We can understand you, Princess. I think Hunk is just being... dramatic? Emphatic? Hyperbolic?" Shiro looks at Pidge.

"Histrionic," Pidge nods.

"It just seemed odd to narrate what I just said to him quite plainly," Allura shrugs. "During the power surge the safety mechanisms engaged, so Keith and Lance are sealed in the training room until we can safely disengage the emergency door locks and depressurize the chamber."

"Hence my histrionics--they're literally vacuum-sealed in the room! They're gonna run out of air!" Hunk shouts.

 _"We're running out of WHAT?!"_ Lance shrieks over the comm. They look down through the glass viewing window. Lance is standing up, waving his arms. Keith is still sitting in a corner, arms crossed; but he's tilted his head upwards, curiosity piqued by Hunk's outburst.

Allura looks down at where Hunk has his hand on the intercom button and raises her eyebrow.

"Eheh," Hunk shrugs, and leans into the mic. "Nothing! Everything's fine! You're not running out of anything and everything is going to be fine talk soon byeeeee!" He takes his hands off the button.

"So, we are all clear on the 'Keith and Lance are sealed in a room and we're all working on a solution rather than reiterating the problem and causing them unnecessary stress'-thing, yes?"

Hunk nods. "Yes, Princess."

 

**

 

Keith's eyes are closed, but he can feel the change in the light when a shadow looms over him.

"Can I help you?" he asks, cracking one eye open to see Lance standing with his hands on his hips, tapping his foot and frowning.

"You're breathing too much."

"... What?"

"You keep huffing, like the room is just _full_ of all the air in the _universe_ , or something."

"I'm breathing too much?"

"Yes! Stop hogging the air."

"I'm not the one _shouting,_ which obviously takes more air than just sitting and staying silent! If anything _you're_ hogging the air!"

"Oh look who's shouting now!"

"You started it!"

"FINE! I'll just sit here and cross my arms and breathe quietly just like you, Mr. Perfect Mullet!" Lance says dropping to the floor and crossing his own arms, mirroring Keith's stance. "I'm Keith and I'm sooooo tormented and broody and I can just sit here in complete silence and I love to glare at Lance when he thinks I'm not looking, wah wah wah."

Keith's eye twitches. He stands up, fists clenched at his sides. He pauses, taking in a deep breath.

 

**

 

"Is… is Keith about to punch him?" Pidge asks.

"I don't think so," Shiro narrows his eyes.

"What is he doing with his arms? Some kind of weird octopus noodle-arm dance?"

Shiro grins.

"Turn on the comm. But mute our end."

_"...And I'm Lance! I always have a plan and I can't sit still for more than five minutes without making a stupid sound or dancing around like an idiot and I–ugh how do you even do this? My arms are getting sore."_

_"I do forty-fours."_

_"What?"_

 

**

 

Lance holds up his arms, and stretches out his hands. "I used to play piano and then guitar, it helps build stamina and work all your hand and arm muscles. You hold your hands like this, and you do a gentle flicking motion," Lance demonstrates.

Keith tries to copy him. Lance shakes his head and stands up. "No, gentle flicking, not like you're making a fist. Like if you have water on your hands and you're just flicking it away. There you go, much better."

"Okay, you just do these forty-four times?"

"You do four sets of them. One with palms up, one palms down, one set with your hands facing inside, one set outside."

Keith nods. "Oh, okay yeah I can feel it now."

"Right?"

"I thought you didn't like training?"

"I don't like it, but I still do it. Like I said, helped me build stamina so I could perform."

Keith raises his eyebrow.

"In _concerts_ , you perv."

"Hey, whatever you wanna call it."

"Oh, you try sitting first chair harp every Christmas for the orchestra!"

"I thought you said you just did piano and guitar?"

"... I had really long arms and fingers when I was a kid so my band instructor decided I should try the harp. Turns out I can play by ear?"

"Heh."

"What's so funny about the harp? It's a huge monster of an instrument and I was playing it before I even got to highschool! That's bad-ass."

"Nah, just the whole, 'I used to have long arms and fingers' thing. You still have really long arms and fingers, Lance."

"Oh, right," Lance darts his eyes away. "Thanks?"

"I'm sure whatever girls you perform for are the ones thanking you."

"... I can't tell if that was a compliment or an insult."

"... Yeah, me neither."

"I'll perform for guys too, yanno."

"I know."

"Well, I _know_ you knew, I was just making sure. For… reasons."

"Of course I knew, I'm gay and you know _that_ and I–oh my god these exercises are _really_ working all of my arm muscles! You seriously do four sets of them?"

"Yeah, and I built amazing stamina because of it! I can show you when–"

 _"Are you two actually exercising in a room with a limited oxygen supply?!"_ Hunk screeches over the intercom. Lance and Keith drop their arms immediately.

 

**

 

Hunk stomps back over to continue to work on the control panel with Coran while Pidge rubs her temples. "They're idiots. They're going to suffocate from their own idiocy. Did we turn the mute back on?"

"Yeah," Shiro says.

"Turn it off. I wanna call them idiots."

Allura sighs. "Pidge I don't think they'll be in there much longer. I wouldn't worry. Oh, they're waving. I think they want attention."

She turns off the mute. "Yes?"

 _"How are we doing on the breathable atmosphere levels?"_ Keith asks. _"Room's feeling a bit stuffy."_

"Erm," Allura brings up a screen. "33%"

_"Is that bad?"_

"Well it's–"

"YES! Very bad! You idiots are going to suffocate if you keep listening to your _idiot_ instincts! Just sit still and say and do nothing for the rest of your _idiot_ lives!" Pidge cuts her off.

" _Pidge!_ " Allura pushes her away from the mic. "Don't listen to her, everything will be fine."

"She's lying! You're dying!"

"I mean, we're _all_ dying… Slowly…"

"Pidge quiet! Shiro, that isn't helping," Allura rubs her temples.

"Boys, you're going to–" she stops mid sentence and takes her finger off the intercom button.  "Oh my..." Allura covers her mouth.

"Okay. Wow, that's happening," Shiro says.

"HA! I knew it!" Pidge snaps her fingers.

"What, what's happening?!" Hunk rushes over with Coran to the viewing window. "Are they… making out?"

"It would appear so," Coran twirls his moustache. "Do reduced atmosphere levels normally induce this kind of reaction in humans?"

 

**

 

Keith breaks the kiss for a moment. "You know... we're probably wasting more air this way."

"I don't think we are," Lance pants. "Not like you're taking my breath away or whatever. We're… like shotgunning the oxygen."

"Shotgunning with tongue?"

"Air and saliva. We have to share all the air and saliva," Lance leans back in, crushing his mouth to Keith's for another kiss.

Long fingers lace themselves through Keith's hair. He moans into the warm mouth covering his own, his heart racing, panting, he's dizzy.

"Wanna," Keith breathes against Lance's mouth. "I wanna sit down."

"Got it," Lance whispers and Keith ends up sitting in Lance's lap, hands on Lance's face, pulling it close. Lance is so warm and soft and, damn he's a good kisser.

"How're you–?" Keith says, needing another break.

" _Told_ you, I gots lotsa stamina," Lance slurs, his eyelids drooping a bit. "Mmm, you're softer than you look. Figured you'd be like a big heavy muscley thumb but there're squishy parts."

"Fingers," Keith says, his voice rasping. He leans his forehead against Lance's, nuzzling his face. "Where are they going?"

They've moved down Keith's torso, running down his spine and settling firmly against his backside. He squeezes, and Keith makes an involuntary… _sound_.

(It was not a squeak. Definitely didn't squeak with surprise when Lance grabs him there. Definitely not because he has such big, firm hands and Keith hasn't had a good make-out session in a long, _long_ time and having a guy grab his ass like that is one of his biggest turn-ons.)

"Did you just sque–"

"NO!"

"Wasting the air…" Lance sing-songs.

"Shhhhut it. Shut your face. Eeep!"

"Yep, still can play any instrument I pick up."

"I… am not an instrument."

"You're an instrument of destruction, I know. Big bad, strong, lone wolf, fighter pilot."

"... You're a cocky, loudmouth, braggadocio, idiot savant cargo pilot, and if I'm going to suffocate to death I better be kissing you because you're _amazing._ "

"You're not bad yourself."

"Not _bad!?_ "

"Did I not say that in English? I–mmmph!"

Keith wraps his arms around Lance's neck, crushing their mouths back together. A storm of angry lips and tongue and teeth and he bites down on Lance's bottom lip until he groans.

 

**

 

"They do realize they're wasting more air that way, right?" Shiro bites his thumb. "This is my fault. I'm a terrible teacher and they don't even know how basic physics and biology work."

"Aha!" Coran shouts. "We've done it!"

"You un-sealed the doors?" Allura asks.

"No, we're at least five vargas away from being able to do that, but we were able to restart the ventilation systems. We're refilling the room with oxygen and nitrous compounds."

"Coran, do you mean _Nitrous oxide?_ Because that can make humans light-headed."

"Erm…"

"Oh my god, they're making out and inhaling laughing gas, please tell me there's a video feed getting recorded!"

 

**

 

Lance laughs as Keith sucks another hickey into his neck.

"You're a little vampire aren't you?"

"I'm trying to make a K-shape," Keith smiles. "Gosh, you're warm. I need your body heat. Gimme."

Lance takes a moment to think through his cloudy mind. "It is colder in here, isn't it? D'ya think they figured out the oxygen stuff?" Keith blinks up at him. His pupils are blown wide. "Damn, you have the prettiest eyes."

"Mmm, and you have beady little rat eyes," Keith sighs. "I love them. They're tiny and perfect and I wanna lick them."

"Awww, gross. You're so cute. I wanna let you lick my eyeballs."

"Mmm, but I'm comfy, you're comfy," Keith nestles against Lance's chest. "Don't wanna move."

"You are not allowed to move," Lance says, pulling him closer and tucking his head under his chin. "I forbid you to ever move. We live here now. This is our new home. My hands are numb. Is that bad?"

"Perfect beady little rat eyes and pointy nose I wanna go," Keith taps Lance's nose with his fingertip. "Beep!"

"Oh my god, that was the cutest thing in the goddamn universe I'm going to cry. Keith I'm crying. You're so cute, I am legit crying."

"You're not crying?" Keith says, tapping his nose some more. "Beep boop beep. I love this nose. Oh crap. Do I love you? Wait… Are we dating? Should we start dating?"

"I am crying on the inside. God, you are the cutest little peanut. I love your confused face, because you get all pouty. I wanna bite your pout."

"Hey, no biting until you start dating me," Keith pinches Lance's cheek. "I wanna date."

"Fine, where do you wanna date?"

"Take me on walks around the castle. Holding hands."

"Oh wow, you think we're ready for that?" Lance wiggles his eyebrows and squeezes Keith's backside for emphasis.

"Nnngh! Quit it!"

"Really?"

"No, never stop. That's literally my favorite thing about dating. You get all the hand holding and touch-a-ling and lip biting and I get to beep your nose whenever I want."

"Touch-a-ling?"

"It's a word."

 

**

 

"Okay, ten GAC says they either end up married or naked by the time we get them out of there," Pidge smirks at Hunk.

He shakes his head. "Twenty GAC, they deny everything and pretend to not date while they totally start dating and we have to 'catch' them to force a confession."

Shiro scoffs. "Twenty GAC they deny and fake memory loss to each other and drag this out for another phoeb."

"All the GAC in my treasury, they do none of that," Allura smiles. "I think they're going to be okay. We've been filling the room with normalized oxygen and atmosphere for the past varga and they haven't stopped cuddling. I think they'll do exactly what they're saying. They'll go on a date, Lance will be a gentleman. Keith will be absolutely smitten. So in time, they'll fall in love for real. About three and a half phoebs, give or take."

Pidge sighs. "Twenty GAC I throw up in my mouth."

"Twenty GAC you throw up on _them._ "

"I'll try."

 

**

 

The door slides open.

"No! Not ready, go away!" Lance shouts over his shoulder.

"Guys, the door controls have been operational for three vargas. You can take it to your bedroom," Shiro says, pinching his nose.

"Keith fell asleep on me. What if he's like a cat and if I move he never wants to cuddle again?"

Shiro rolls his eyes. "He's _not_ asleep."

Keith opens one eye, "Lance don't listen to him, he sits upon a throne of _lies._ I'm totally asleep and you shouldn't move."

" _Keith,_ " Shiro growls.

"Throne of lies, Lance," Keith whispers.

Lance looks over at Shiro. "I believe him. We're gonna just stay here and cuddle forever."

"I think you two are still feeling a bit of side effects from the accidental nitrous dousing and should spend some time in the healing pods."

"I think Shiro is jealous of my brand new boyfriend," Keith whispers.

"I think Keith forgets I have a robot arm that can easily lift the both of you and physically carry you to the med bay."

"... He may have a point there, peanut."

"Ooh, is that my pet name?"

"If you want it to be? I was thinking, 'babe' or 'mullet' but like an endearing way."

"No, I like that first one. It feels organic, yanno?"

"Right?! My little peanut with the big soft eyes."

"Yeah, I'm carrying you both to the med bay."

 

**

 

By the next evening, Keith and Lance are cleared from the med bay and returned to active Paladin duties.

No more nitrous.

No more sealed rooms.

No more forced enclosure.

Just Lance's hand holding his as they walk down the corridor of the castle ship. They stop in front of Keith's room.

"I could be a gentleman and just give you a goodnight kiss, yeah?" Lance says as they turn to face each other.

"That would be nice," Keith says, a coy smile on his face.

"Or, I can come in your room and you can lick my eyeballs?"

Keith barks out a laugh. "Oh geez, I still can't believe I said all that."

"We said a lot, I mean Pidge was kind enough to cut it down to 22 minutes of the best of the weirdest things we said and did while high off laughing gas and the terrifying inevitability of possible death by suffocating makeouts."

"Did she have to play it during breakfast–wait I just answered my own question. Yes she obviously did. The pretending to throw up in her mouth thing was kind of weird, right?"

"It was weirder that Hunk and Shiro and Allura all demanded she prove she did or pay them 20 GAC. What the heck was going on in that control room?"

"According to Coran, about 33% of the nitrous he was feeding us ended up pumped in the room they were watching us from. They all probably got just a bit loopy. Hunk was freaking out, Pidge was kicking and screaming, Shiro was vacillating between wistful and morbid, and Allura said she was having visions or something?"

"Visions?"

"Apparently the nitrous oxide makes some Alteans have little future glimpses?"

"Weird."

"So," Lance smiles, lifting their joined hands and bringing Keith's to his mouth, he kisses the back of his hand, through the slit of his glove. "Goodnight Keith."

"Mmmgh," Keith says, swaying on his feet.

"Was that a swoon? Are you swooning? Have I swon you?"

"Shhhhut uppp," Keith grumbles. "Do it again."

Lance kisses his hand, his wrist, the juncture of his elbow, up to the crook of Keith's neck and his cheek. "You're so swooning."

"I may be a little smitten here," Keith murmurs.

"Licking-my-eyeballs-smitten or beeping-my-nose-smitten?"

Keith leans in and gently kisses the tip of Lance's nose. "My Pops would be proud of me for getting a catch like you."

"A cocksure, braggy cargo pilot?"

"A perfect gentleman with endless cuddling stamina."

Lance smiles. "My mami warned me about guys like you."

"Lone wolf fighter pilots?"

"Cute guys with gorgeous eyes," he ducks his head. "I could fall in love with eyes like yours."

Keith grins, tapping his nose and stepping away. "Guess I'll wait and see."

"Tomorrow morning? Walk you to the training room after breakfast?"

"It's a date. Goodnight, Lance."

 

**

 

Three and a half phoebs later (give or take) Lance and Keith are eating breakfast when Allura walks in, counting out a wad of GAC.

"This is... about a third," she says, handing it to them. "I feel like that's a fair share for you two."

"For what?" Lance asks.

Allura smiles. "Are you holding hands under the table?"

"Yeah?" Lance looks at Keith.

Keith cocks his head. "We always do? We are literally _always_ holding hands under any table at any given time."

"The only exception is when we're not sitting next to each other which doesn't happen except that one time when the Blade was visiting and I was super tired and got to the meeting room late. But for some reason Kolivan let me hold his hand because he thought it was just a human thing, which should have been weird, right? Anyway I realized what I was doing when Keith started playing footsie with me and—why are you smiling like that?"

"Because I just won twenty more GAC. _Pidge!_ " she shouts as she leaves the dining room.

"That was weird. Not you holding hands with Kolivan-weird, but definitely up on the weird scale."

"Hey, free money? Wanna go grab some dinner on a fancy planet that uses cloth napkins?" Lance wiggles his eyebrows.

"Oooh, cloth? You spoil me," Keith says, leaning head on Lance's shoulder. "I love you."

"Love you too, peanut," Lance squeezes Keith's hand. "Do you hear someone screaming?"

"Kind of? You think it sounds like Shiro? Like he's saying 'you couldn't have waited one more phoeb!' I think?"

"Mmm, whatever. Lemme know when you wanna hit the training room? I'm gonna do forty-fours while I watch you get all sweaty."

"Or, should we pull a bunch of wires out of that panel and see if we can get the room to seal up again? 'Oh no, the oxygen is running out, gotta make out with this cute guy I have feelings for, what a tragedy.'"

"I know it got us through our first fight when we were still in that weird pre-relationship flirting and teasing stage... but I still can't believe that worked. And it worked really well?!"

"I still can't believe Coran didn't find the security footage of us deliberately causing the power surge," Keith sighs happily, placing his other hand on Lance's chest, running his thumb idly along the zipper of his jacket. "So is that a yes?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

  


 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to come say hi on my tumblr: [emphasis-all-mine](https://emphasis-all-mine.tumblr.com).


End file.
